IMF Surprise Visit “Only To Scare You” – Chopra
Finance Minister Michael “Noonie” Noonan is to hold a meeting with IMF boss Ajai “Chopper” Chopra today. Mr Chopra’s surprise visit ahead of a full review meeting in a few week’s time has been described by the IMF as being “purely to frighten the living crap out of the new administration” and the organisation has assured Ireland that it is “no more sinister than usual. Heh-heh-heh…”.
The IMF is said to be concerned at “slippage” in key commitments under the terms of the bailout including:
- Failure to chuck a further €10,000,000 into the gaping bottomless maw of the banks
- The intention of the new Fine Gael / Labour government to do a u-turn on the minimum wage
- The failure of Ireland to deliver on a promise to be “less worser” for lent
- No improvement in the weather here
Mr. Noonan says he is confident that the government can do a deal to improve the terms of the bailout for Ireland, but has warned that such confidence is in no way related to reality and is just a pleasant personality trait he has recently adopted.
Mr. Noonan has also said there will be no further capitalisation of the banks until stress tests are completed, and that there is no question of a change to Ireland’s corporate tax rates despite pressure from French and German politicians, and that Ireland is assured of winning the Grand Slam and the Cricket World Cup once the results of recent matches have been succesfully renegotiated by by the government.