Chopra: IMF ArseWidget Will Track Irish Behaviour

AJ Chopra, high-ranking executive of the multi-trillion dollar philanthropical cabal the IMF, has said that the deal sealed over the weekend between the IMF, the EU, the ECB and a polular Kildare Street Social And Drinking Club, will lock down Irish Victimhood well into the next decade.

The plan, which light-hearted commentators have dubbed a “Rescue Plan”, includes innovative measures such as giving away all Ireland’s savings, burning a sizeable portion of the Pension Reserves and wearing a funny leprechaun costume in public.

AJ Chopra

Chopra: 'Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha'

But this welcome relief comes at a price, as the IMF will be able to monitor the behaviour of all Irish citizens on a daily basis. A small implant, the innovative IMF “ArseWidget” will be inserted into all Irish citizens. The ArseWidget will feed back vital data such as the location, earnings, potato consumption and weight of each individual. If sufficient citizens are deemed to be “not trying hard enough”, the IMF may withold one or many trenches of the promised indebtedness. The data will be analysed by evil officials in white jumpsuits in the IMF HQ hidden within an enormous fake mountain in the South Pacific.

Acting Taoiseach and Chug-master of the Kildare Street Social & Drinking Club, Brian Cowen, has assured Irish citizens that this deal will now give final closure on the crisis and that Ireland will be able to move slowly back to growth. The Victim Consolidation Plan, he claimed, contains a number of measures to stimulate growth, including praying, waiting, hoping and hiding. The Acting Taoiseach pointed out that the IMF ArseWidget was developed in Ireland and will be manufactured in Shannon by a high tech smart economy boffin.

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