MaFFia ‘Heave That Never Was’ Back On In Earnest

Following the dramatic press conference by the Minister for Matters Outside Cork Michael Martin in which he declared his challenge for leadership of Fianna Fail it seems that a real contest is on.

Here, The Emergency presents your definitive ‘at-a-glance’ guide to the front runners who may battle it out over the coming days to win the chance to drive the smouldering wreck of the Fianna Fail party to the wreckers’ yard.

Michael Martin (3/1)
Made his name as The Minister for Banning Stuff under Bertie Ahern. A consistent performer. Certain to win at least one vote.

Mary Hanafin (6/1)
Took over from serial idiot Martin Cullen when he tripped and fell out of his portfolio at the Department of Arse All and Antics. Hanafin, often mistaken for a woman, has promised a radical overhaul of the party and the state and favours a 24 hour Angelus channel.

Eamon O’Cuiv (10/1)
Minister for Self Protectection, O’Cuiv is grandson of Fianna Fail founder Eamon DeVenereal. A lifelong opponent of frivolity, an O’Cuiv Fianna Fail would see a return to economic war with godless England and a copy of the Irish
Press for every man woman and child in the country.

A Bucket Of Shite(fav)
At present the clear front runner and described by almost all within the parliamentary party as urbane, witty and incisive – the logical choice for even Ógra members as it gives them something to aspire to

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