Healy Rae Denies Being Two Places At Once

Enthusiastic Kerryman Michael Healy Rae has denied that he made phone calls to vote for himself on RTE’s celebrity survival show “I’m A Spanner, Turn Off The Telly”.

DENIAL

Mr Healy Rae had pointed out that he has not mastered bi-location and could not have made phonecalls from the Dail phone system while at the same time wrestling wild sheep in the Connemara jungle. He has repeated the denial numerous times today, undeterred by the fact that nobody has suggested that he made the calls.

BI

Kerry South voters who did not vote for MHR were heartened by the news that he could not be in two places at the one time. “Just one less places at a time and we’re grand”, a sane man in Kenmare said when questioned.

Mr Healy Ray has also denied that his father Jackie, then a TD and still a committed Kerryman and novelty hatstand, could have made the calls. “I know he didn’t because I have not asked him so therefore he didn’t tell me if he did so he didn’t”, explained Healy Rae Jnr.

Hat

Healy Rae: Hatstand

MORE DENIAL

Jackie Healy Rae himself has said that there wouldn’t be a hope in the wide earthly world that he’d be in a position to make that number of calls. Not an outside hope in the world. No hope whatsoever. If it’s hoping ye’d be that there be a hope that Jackie Healy Rae himself it is that would be at the making of such a class of a load of calls, it’s hopeless the hope would be that did be upon ye.

HATS A CHARITY

The calls caused donation of 60 cent each to be made to charity, with taxpayers the unwitting donors. Neither of the Healy Raes would comment on an effort that was made at the time by their supporters to have Hat-Wearing In Kerry South registered as a charitable actvity.

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