Government Response to Flooding In Full


Tanaiste and leader of FF Lite (formerly Smoked Salmon Canapé & Reisling Party) Joan Burton and coalition chums demonstrate the proposed new Early Flood Warning System

The government today,  5th January 2016,  made a series of decisions designed to alleviate the difficulties of those subjected to flooding in their homes and businesses.

These decisions include:
1.   A bit of a hug for farmers.
2.   A bit of a hug for livestock (not feckin’ chickens though mind).
3.   The establishment of a working group to “see how we might bring in the expertise of ooooh…let’s say for instance Siteserv or INM or one of the radio stations even”
4.   The immediate sacrifice of three goats and a trade unionist to appease the mighty Den-is that he may spare us from his wrath in the future.

Other decisions include:

● Establishment of a River Shannon Co-ordination Group to establish the exact location of the River Shannon which has frankly been feckin about lately.
● The Office of Public Works to set up and run two individual “home protection schemes”. The two individual homes have yet to be selected.
● Drinks at Oireachtais Bar (sandwiches optional).
● Department of Transport to bring full report of Infrastructure Damage to government and stay in the room while Michael Noonan makes hissing noises and frowns.
● Department of Environment and OPW to meet with EU Commissioner and stay in the room with him while he makes hissing noises and frowns through an interpreter.
● Taoiseacheen and relevant  Cabinet Ministers to meet with representatives of Insurance Industry next week to look shocked at each other and mutter “jaysis lads” a lot.
● Drinks at Oireachtais Bar. (sandwiches mandatory).
● New Flood Forecasting unit to be established.
● Naptime.


Posted by @funnydub from the depths of the goldfish bowl

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