Gardai To Maintain Road Closures For Visit of Icelandic Ashcloud Grimsvotn II

Icelandic Ashcloud Grimsvotn II

The coming state visit of the Icelandic Ashcloud Grimsvotn II from in or around Wednesday of this week will include a whistlestop tour of all of the country’s airports, a wreath laying ceremony at the John Player factory on the South Circular Road, and a daily concert featuring the many talent of Westlife, Mary Byrne, Jedward, and Westlife – Master of Ceremonies for the entire visit will be RTE’s Ryan Tubridy.

Asked to define the duration of the visit, Tainaiste and Minister for Frankfurt’s Way Eamon Gilmore indicated an advance party will arrive tomorrow, with Grimsvotn II remaining here till “fecking indefinitely“.

Taoiseach Edna Kenny shouted a statement at a group of reporters that he mistook for his audience earlier this evening, yelling: “This will be marvelous for tourism….ehhhh…Is féidir linn! Hang the expense! A state visit by a world famous volcanic superstar will do wonders for Ireland’s image abroad. Yes sirree is féidir linn alright! Up Mayo! Ireland is open for business!”

Mr Kenny then adopted a poor American accent for a moment to lay out official plans for disrupting the travel plans of the greatest amount of Dublin commuters possible, “…in order to show the Ashcloud Grimsvotn II that the past is behind us, just like our economy and sovereignty. Can we stop people who live in the capital of the country from crossing the river or going about their business? Is féidir linn! Up Mayo!! Can we treat citizens like a cross between a cash source and an inconvenience? Is féidir linn!!!”

INSIDE!….In Our 12 Page Ashcloud Visit Special Pull Out And Keep Supplement Will the Ashcloud sample the Guinness? (pages 18 – 20), We visit the peat bog in Tullamore with a line of sediment from Grimsvotn’s birth in 720A.D. (pictures pages 20, interview pages 23 – 25), Kevin Arse, John Arse and Fiona Arse on the symbolic historic significant importance of the Grimsvotn visit (pages 26 -30), “My times with Grimsvotn” ~ Bono (page 27), List of street closures (pages 3 – 107)

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