Gardai Foil al-Qaeda Terror Cell In Sunni South East

Artist’s impression of what a Waterford al-Qaeda member might look like

Gardai acting on information generated by CIA (Clearly Insane American) sources have arrested seven people who they describe as being “a bit araby like ye know?”. The seven are suspected of wanting to kill a rather heavy handed Swedish cartoonist who drew a picture of their imaginary friend with which they disagreed. The seven are now likely to qualify for a free rendition flight to a darkened room with a car battery and jump leads – in the event of a flight to Limerick being unavailable, they may just go to prison somewhere else.

Tainiste Swearymary Coughlan told reporters today that the presence of an extremist Muslim terrorist group operating in Ireland was proof that the coalition’s strategy on handling the banking crisis was working. “See them fellas with the bombs that hates the comics? Think they’d be here if Ireland was bankrupt? Would they fuck! Says you aye!” she said, adding “Green fuckin’ shoots…or shooters I don’t fuckin’ know. Where’s my fuckin’ gin?”.

Many local people living near the arrested Muslims are baffled as to why they were based in the Republic while trying to kill a man living in Sweden. Investigating Gardai are acting on the assumption that the seven terror suspects were based in Waterford and Cork because they (a) Thought Sweden was in the Burren; (b) They got badly, really badly, lost or; (c) That they were trying to track the Swedish cartoonist using DNA gathered secretly from descendents of Viking raiders now living in Waterford.

Gardai say that there is nothing to see, move along, move along. It is being reported that Martin Turner and Graeme Keyes have gone into hiding just in case.

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