FitzPatrick Moves To Protect Himself From Creditors

Former Anglo Irish Bank chairman Seán FitzPatrick preparing to jump to hyperspace

Former Anglo Irish Bank chairman Seán FitzPatrick, who was released from Garda custody yesterday after almost twenty four whole hours of questioning, is taking measures to protect himself from his personal creditors, The Emergency has learned.

The most significant mechanism available to Mr FitzPatrick to shield himself from creditors is his use of some of the millions of euros of misappropriated money he loaned himself while CEO of Anglo to purchase a Tardis or other such time machine which will allow him to travel back in time to lend significant amounts of money to politicians and other bankers thus ensuring his immunity in our time as he will then know where all the bodies are buried – a rarely used protective measure under bankruptcy law.

Physicists at Trinity College Dublin who have been tracking tachyon particles in an effort to detect such anom fluctuations in the space/time continuum have as yet found no such traces in what Dr Carl Sagan might have referred to as “the mood music of the aeons”, even though Mr FitzPatrick was released from Garda custody yesterday after being detained for 31 hours by detectives investigating alleged financial irregularities at Anglo.

Dr Eamon Cé of the Trinity Temporal and Quantum Physics Department told reporters that the negative results could mean one of two things: “In scenario ‘A’ Mr FitzPatrick’s time gambit worked and he was able to retrospectively implicate senior establishment figures in the past and cloak his time travelling activities with some kind of a particle cloaking device capable of filtering out muons from any tracking feedback loop”

“If on the other hand we subscribe to scenario ‘B’ as a successful thesis” Dr Cé continued “he didn’t have to travel backwards in time to implicate anyone, he had in effect already done so – but that is ridiculous…isn’t it?”

Dr Cé then asked our reporter what a real woman looked like before rushing off to a Dungeons and Dragons tournament.

A file has been sent to the DPP and has been sent transdimensionally to the remaining members of the Time Lords’ Council on Gallifrey

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