Fine Gael Valentine’s Day Stunt Fails To Woo

A selection of the mix tapes put out to unwitting Valentines by prominent Fine Gaelers

Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny flies to Berlin this morning to give German Chancellor Angela Merkel a preemptive glimpse of his ability to capitulate, but as he does so he leaves behind yet another stunning misjudgement of social media by his campaign.

Voters all over the country received mix-tapes in the post this morning from their local Fine Gael candidates. The gimmick is the brainchild of two members of Young Fine Gael, James Finmartin (43) and Michael Quinn-Terry (50). The two had originally hoped to use 8 Track cartridges but switched to magnetic cassettes as soon as they discovered their ease of use “We’re not the stuffed shirts people think we are. We’re up with this Eye Tea cadgery. Its amazing how quickly this technology is developing. Facesbook!” Quinn-Terry told reporters.

Speaking at Fine Gael campaign HQ the party’s Finance Spokesman Michael Noonan described the Valentine’s Day stunt as “A bit of fun do you see, but with the serious message that our tough loving Fine Gael deep loving nurturing love is the loviest love of all” he said, continuing; “…not at all like that 14 year quickie against an alley wall ye just had with Fianna Fail that broke your back….Or the ill judged fumble in the dark in Liberty Hall Labour has planned for ye.”

Mr Noonan concluded his press conference saying: “Look, just listen to the tapes. Then vote Fine Gael or terrible things will happen that I can only hint darkly at YOU WILL BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!!! ……Ignore that last thing I said now. Ye weren’t supposed to hear that yet. It was only a bit of crack anyway”

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