FF Declares Itself An Irony Free Zone (With Taxbreaks)

“The fools! The fools! The fools! The fools! They have left us with the bill – and while Ireland holds these debts she will never be free”. The acting Taoiseach respecting the memory of Wolfe Tone

DATELINE; BODENSTOWN, KILDARE; 17/10/10 – Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen called for a “unity of purpose” among all political parties to address the budget deficit and restore international confidence in Ireland – the unpopular small town solicitor was speaking at the annual MaFFianna Fáil Wolfe Tone commemoration at Bodenstown in Co Kildare. Mr Cowen said he welcomed the long awaited surrender of civil war opponents Fine Gael and the capitulation of Labour that reducing Ireland’s deficit to 3 per cent of GDP by 2014 is necessary.

Taking time out from reading John Gormley’s plea for concensus the acting Taoiseach returned to his usual stance of hiding behind actual patriots who had a vision for Ireland but who are now, conveniently, dead. Mr Cowen and his fellow reptiles made sure to look as stoic and patriotic as possible as they remebered Wolfe Tone. Wolfe Tone is of course famous for founding the United Irishmen and saying: “Our independence must be had at all hazards….If the men of property will not support us they must fall – we can support ourselves by the aid of that numerous and respectable class of the community, the men of no property”

Hammering home his party’s version of honouring and emulating conveniently extinct nationalists and Fenians Mr Cowen took the opportunity to shill his version of the United Irishmen unashamedly over Tone’s grave. “What did Tone mean by that, eh? That men of no property will support us thing? NAMA! Thats what he meant. He could see how important it was 500 years ago when he defeated the Vikings at the Hill of Tara so I can’t see why people are arguing the toss now”

“It would substantially help Ireland’s position if we were to show the international community that there is a unity of purpose to go from words to actions” he said. By which he means “Leave your money, your children’s money and your grandchildren’s money in an orderly pile for the markets and stop yer whingin’ now, going forward”.

As part of their acceptance of the coalition’s deficit management plan meanwhile, Fine Gael are to launch a new document with “100 New Ideas” to save the country. Unfortunately being a functioning opposition party isn’t one of them

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