EU To Turn Ireland Into “Bad Country”

French President Nicolas Sarkaztique revealed a radical plan to cope with the financial and banking crisis currently gripping the EU, it has emerged. In private sessions at the recent meeting of EU leaders he put forward the idea of aggregating the estimated €20 trillion of European bad bank debt and creating a special bank to carry it all.

The bank will be called “Ireland”.

In a further stroke of genius the French and German governments have also suggested that rather than merely operating as a “Bad Bank” this concept could be widened into an entirely new instrument, th “Bad Country”. As the “Bad Country” of Europe, Ireland could also take on EU unemployment, poverty, racial tension and all but the top 7 or 8 football clubs from each country.

“Ze capacity of Irlande to put up zis sheet is legendary,” said President Sarkaztique, speaking in a comedy French accent from his fur-lined pied-a-terre in Montmartre this morning. “All srew ‘er ‘istory she ‘as shown ‘erself to be ze most adpet of all European nations at being the sous-chien, ze ‘ow you say “underdog”? Also we see by ze way she ‘as blown ‘er sheet completement when sings went well in ze period of ze Celtique Tigeur. She just can’t ‘andle eet. But wallowing in ze merde, in zis she is wizout equal, she is magnifique.”

The bad debt, poor social conditions and crap football of Europe would be gradually discharged in this way over a twenty year period, following which Germany would fix the roads, restore and glaze the castles and use Ireland as it’s offical “Spaßaffe” (“Fun Monkey”).

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