Enda Kenny’s 5-Point Plan For Generating New Points
The leader-like entity, Enda Kenny, who heads up “Fine Gael” (a loose affiliation of people who are not in Fianna Fáil) has presented the electorate with his five-point plan. Mr. Kenny said he was confident that the five points could potentially generate as many as 350,000 new points by 2014.
The points were generated by an unprecedented 350,000 chimpanzees, each with a typewriter and a fáinne nua. The chimpanzees hit keys at random and eventually came up with the following five points.
To get Ireland working Fine Gael will generate 20,000 jobs a year. This will be done by abolishing the current lack of jobs. can I have a banana please?
Fine Gael will eliminate waste: starting with the letters which would be wasted giving further details of this point
- PUBLIC SECTOR
Fine Gael will abolish 145 Quangos, eliminating 30,000 administrative jobs. A streamlined Quango Elimination Agency, staffed by 30,000 people and based in the Zoo will oversee this process. Ook.
Fine Gael will replace the current two-tier health system with a new Dutch-style system under which there will be no illness and a dyke. Peel this for me would you?
- NEW POLITICS
As hinted at last year in Fine Gael’s plan for a 1000-year Gaelsreich, Fine Gael will reduce the number of seats in the Dáil to whatever the number of Fine Gael TDs there are in the Dáil. Shane Ross will be abolished.
Mr. Kenny also said he was not afraid to debate in TV as long as all the party leaders participated and nobody spoke to him.