Enda Kenny To Publish List Of 100 Things To Make And Do In A Post-Apocalyptic Situation
Enda Kenny, maverick “leader” of “Fine Gael” (a loose affiliation of people who are not in Fianna Fail) has sought to distance himself and his party from “Labour” (a nice bunch of affable folk with red ties and blouses). Kenny has said Fine Gael will outline “eye-popping” savings to be achieved in the context of a four year plan. it is not certain whether citizens will be required to pop their own eyes or whether the work will be carried out by a crack militia armed with state-of-the-art eye popping equipment. The four year plan will form the basis of a broader plan for a 1000 year “Fine Gaelsreich”.
Among the list of “100 Things To Make And Do In A Post-Apocalyptic Situation”, it is thought there will be detailed plans for job creation, macramé clothing for schoolchildren and recipes for biscuits made from scurf.
A senior Fine Gael front-bencher, who could not remember his name, told The Emergency that the calls for “consensus government” were an attempt to “flush out” the opposition. He said Fine Gael has no problem being “flushed out”. “We have assumed the position and are ready for the Speculum Of Responsibility”, he said in a voice muffled due to his being face down in a pillow, “unlike Labour who seem hell bent on frittering away the gains made by the centre right consensus over the last ten years”.
Meanwhile the leader of the Labour Party, Eamon Gilmore, has said that all the necessary cuts can be made without affecting public services simply by a combination of taxing and eating high earners and a rigourous programme of sharp efficient sound-bites over the next four years.