Edna Kenny Statement On Bruton Sacking

Statement from Fine Gael leader Edna Kenny on the sacking of finance spokesman Richard Bruton

“Over the weekend, I had a meeting, several texts, a couple of emails, nine tweets, a note wrapped round some class of a brick thrown through my bedroom window, and other conversations with Deputy Richard Bruton during which he informed me that he is no longer prepared to support my leadership. I felt he was being unclear and evasive, so I asked him to clatify, rethink and reconsider his position and to work with me to ensure that Fine Gael wins the next general election.

“As the Dail will debate a motion of no confidence in the Taoiseach and Fine Gael’s motion on the banking inquiry this week, Richard’s decision leaves me with no option but to get my cheeks to their ruddiest and scowl at him very very sternly indeed; oh..ehh..and relieve him of his responsibilities as Deputy Leader and Finance Spokesperson with immediate effect of course.

“I am assigning responsibility for the Finance portfolio to the relatively unknown and therefore pliant Deputy Kieran O’Donnell, Deputy Spokesperson for Finance on an acting basis, pending further front bench changes I will announce next week depending on which one of you bastards forces me into playing ‘Fantasy Dail’ on the backbenches for the rest of my life.

“Over the weekend, some unnamed political party, let us call it ehhh ….ehhh…‘Fone Geel’, has done huge damage to Fine Gael through their anonymous comments to the media which has resulted in an opinion poll dominating the news agenda at a time when all our energies should be focussed on getting this Government out of office rather than keeping me out of office.

“Among the many huge challenges I faced when I was elected leader of Fine Gael was to heal the deep wounds left from previous mass outbreaks of self inflicted lower limb and foot gunshot wounds…some of them quite hideous, let. Me. Tell. You. I have worked patiently and sensitively to bind the wounds into a cohesive and united ‘foot’ if you will, and I am very disappointed that this unidentified ‘Fone Geel’ bogeyman is determined to bring Fine Gael back to those bad old days. I am determined that this should not be allowed to happen and I am happy that a huge number of my colleagues that I carry in the imaginary parliamentary party in my head have publicly announced that they support my continued leadership of the Party….In. My. Head.

“As the ongoing media speculation and uncertainty is damaging to the reputation of my Party, I have taken steps both in the real world and in my own personal cerebral Oireachtas, and have informed the Chairman of the Parliamentary Party that I am submitting a motion of confidence in my continued leadership of Fine Gael which I hope will be debated and voted on as soon as possible. It has already been carried unanimously you know….up here…..good old ceann eh? I understand the Chairman of the Parliamentary Party here on earth, Padraic McCormack TD intends to convene a special meeting of the Parliamentary Party on Thursday morning. I have forwarded him copies of emails that I received from Cú Chulainn, the Chairman of my Fantasy Parliamentary Party, my Minister for Sports Stephen Roche and Michael Collins my Táiniste, confirming our full confidence in me..”

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