End Of Era As Irish Army Retires Historic Guns


The much loved 25lb guns offloaded by the British on the Irish Army in 1949 have been retired today in an emotional farewell at the Glen of Imaal involving several adults who are paid good money to dress as soldiers and run around mountains.

The guns spent 60 years waging war on several square miles of Wicklow mountainside, keeping at bay the possibly lethal Cabbage-White, a species of butterfly thought to have had links over the years to Stalin, chanteuse Twink, and Colonel Gaddaffi. The guns also won the war on countless Irish soldiers’ cochleas paving the way for record compensation awards for “deafness” in the courts.

Few now remember the glory days of the early 1990s when crews manning the guns on crucially important training missions in the dangerously warlike Glen of Imaal had to pretend to load shells into the beloved 25lb cannons and shout “bang!” in a bizarre cost saving exercise most probably copied by the Department of Defence from a Spike Milligan novel.

That was then. Now in these much less economically stable times, the hoary old 25 pounders have been replaced with much more up to date and expensive ordnance which will oddly never be used on bastards who really pose a threat to the State like Sean FitzPatrick, Bertie Ahern, Brian Cowen, Sean Dunne etc. etc. ad nauseum.

However, if we’re very fortunate, there will be enough shells left for the new 109s to fire a salute over the grave of the Irish economy later this year.

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