Dr. Quirkey Unveils Plans To Convert North Tipperary Into Giant Themed Slot Machine
Richard Quirke, former Garda and renowned creator of Dr. Quirkey’s Good Time Emporium, is to announce a €460 million redevelopment of much of North Tipperary, which is to become a giant fruit machine under the innovative scheme. the coin slot will be located in two-Mile Borris and other towns and villages are expected to compete strongly, even viciously, to be converted into brightly lit revolving fruit symbol drums.
Other facilities due to be built are a life-size replica of the Whitehouse, a track on which ravenous wild wolves will race, and an all-weather area suitable for night-time giant hare coursing meetings. The giant hare, a long extinct species will be rbought back to life from fossilised DNA by loveable crazed scientist Richard Attenborough.
There will be a 15,000 seater auditorium suitable for staring at stuff on a raised platform and small trading outposts selling firewater to the natives. Up to 1000 jobs will be created during the construction of the facilities and 2000 full-time jobs, including 750 jobs for currently long-term unemployed ravenous wolves.
Dr. Quirkey’s Good Time Emporium did much to promote gambling for fun and betterment in the O’Connell Street are. It was since flogged to provide part of the site for a large shopping centre which will achieve the twin goals of having some more shops in the city centre and tidying up many tatty sites associated with 1916 Rising.
Among the supporters of the scheme are North Tipperary TD, Michael Lowry. Mister Lowry. The renowned home-improvements enthusiast has offered a patch of wasteland beside his enormous house as the site for the handle of the slot machine.