Cowen Launshesh FF Yesh Campoon

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Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen

Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen said the issue of his leadership will not arise during the course of the second referendum on the Lisbon Treaty – Mr Cowen mumbled his response in the general direction of the press as he launched his party’s campaign for a “Yes” vote from the country one month from today.

“There are no circumstances under which my leadership can be questioned – I have been very careful to display no leadership whatsoever during the course of the last number of months and the record will show this. You can’t sue the sky for skin cancer after a run of rainy days” he said. When asked would he personally resign if the referendum were lost he said that he did not contemplate defeat.

“Look it. This has to pass. The long term damage of a no vote is unimaginable” said Mr Cowen “TDs could lose their gig – there is no cheque I will not sign, no deal I will not fumble, no agreement I will not make behind the back of the Irish people in order to keep those TDs in employment”.

Facing questions over the strong possibility of a ‘punishment’ vote from an angry electorate over government mismanagement, misuse of expenses and the thorny issue of NAMA the acting Taoiseach replied that in addition to the tooth fairy and banshees, he possesses a great belief in the discernment of voters to distinguish between issues.

“Just because a fella burnt the steak, you can’t take it out on him just because you’re after been catching him pissing in the spuds now can you?” he parried.

During the course of this speech, Mr Cowen argued that Europe had listened to the Irish people following their initial “No” to Lisbon last year. He said that Ireland now had a piece of paper acknowledging their concerns and guaranteeing to specifically look helpless and shrug when such concerns are actually tested by an operating post-ratification Europe.

“The new legal guarantees which the Irish people have received are both comprehensive and legally watertight in addressing these issues” he said, veering well away from the clear difference between addressing a concern, and resolving it.

The acting Taoiseach was joined by Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Dracula as principal speaker at the launch, which was attended by all Fianna Fáil ministers, as well as junior ministers, and a detachment from the Jugenderfreikorps. A small number of TDs and Senators who were not otherwise engaged in cashing their expenses were in attendance. The slogans for the campaign are “Vote Yes Or Face A Visit From Dick Roche” and “Europe – Resistance is Futile“.

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