Cistercian College, Roscrea Sacrificed To Make Tánaiste Look Capable

Tánaiste and celebrity underachiever Mary Coughlan

The future is uncertain for the 310 pupils of Cistercian College, Roscrea – the exclusive private boarding school has been inadvertently pledged by the Tánaiste as the unspecified plaything of an employment development think tank comprising the IDA, HEA, FÁS, Tourism Ireland and The Message Board In The Spar.

According to the Irish Daily Mail, when speaking at the window dressing event held yesterday the Tánaiste slipped up in saying that the Taoiseach was giving the initiative “his alma mater” rather than his “imprimatur”.

The Department of Education and Skills has moved however to confirm the gifting of the school to the talk shop under a mechanism similar to decentralisation. This is hoped to have the effect of saving the Tánaiste’s face.

Speaking at the event the Acting Taoiseach assured citizens that they “..do have a future”, but insisted that there will be “No silver bullet” to fix unemployment. Analysts fear that the future alluded to by Mr Cowen is death in penury. It does however appear that the Taoiseach is at least trying to save money on silver bullets, implying that he has plans to fix unemployment with regular lead bullets.

Additional reporting by Conor Lambert of our Leitrim Desk

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