Cabinet Announces Anglo Decision (Again)

All the money’s gone, nowhere to go.

Anglo Irish Bank will be split into stand alone Money Pit and a Cash Vampire for Fianna Fail cronies, the Metaphor for The Economy said today.

The Money Pit, or so-called bad bank, will eventually be sold or its assets run down over a period of time.

The Cash Vampire is to be separated from Anglo’s loan assets and will be owned directly by the Metaphor for The Economy. It will not engage in any lending but will continue to accept and manage deposits.

This is a variation of the proposals from Anglo’s board. It wanted to split the bank into a 24/7 Party Yacht tentatively named the MV Aya Napa, which would have looked after the bank’s “lower quality” assets that remained after transfers to Nama were complete, and a VIP Blowjob Suite, which would manage the performing loans, retain the bank’s deposit funding and engage in new lending.

“Today’s decision by the Government will provide certainty about the future of Anglo Irish Bank. Resolution of this, our most distressed institution, is essential to the promotion of confidence and stability in our financial system,” Metaphor for The Economy Brian Lenihan said in a statement.

Anglo’s safety is beside the point however, due to the State’s ensured insolvency due to the “ebb and flow” of the markets so cheerfully disregarded by the acting Taoiseach yesterday

Be Sociable, Share!

Leave a Reply