Burton Denies Shambles Is A Shambles

The Minister For Total Deflection, Joan Burton, has hit out at opposition claims that the forthcoming simultaneous retirement of a trillion public servants represents a “shambles”. Answering questions from radical reforming rump agglomeration, Fianna Fáil, Ms. Burton said the coalition government had been discussing the forthcoming retirements on a daily basis and following it on Twitter and everything, and was well prepared for the impact on frontline services.

Ms. Burton outlined a number of precautions and arrangements which were, she said, being undertaken to minimise disruption to services in key areas. These include:

  • Drafting in four thousand unpaid interns in the even of “a really big fire”
  • Moving non-retiring Gardaí to crime-facing positions who are currently in less vital arse-scratching positions
  • Stepping up government plans to replace reliance on psychiatric nursing with reliance on “the kindness of strangers”
  • Going on holiday
  • Hiding

Artist's Impression Of New-Look "Kindness Of Strangers" Psychiatric Service

The Fianna Fáil leader, Micheál Martin criticised the coalition for ruining the good work of the previous government, which he said had left them a legacy of illusion that the coalition was now shattering without any regard to “the children, the poor wee children”.

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