Budget Update: Healy-Rae / Michael Lowry Deal Details

The Emergency has learned that Jackie Healy-Rae, the sitting TD for Tír na nÓg, had a number of phone conversations late in the day with the Acting Minister for Finance, Brian Lenihan. On the third phone call he got it right and was able to both speak to and listen to the minister. they thrashed out a deal whereby Healy-Rae agreed to support today’s budget in return for the following assurances:

  • A 9,000 bed hospital to be constructed in Kenmare
  • A hyperspace portal to be installed near Tralee
  • A new hat
  • Another new hat
  • A hat making facility to be located in the new underwater biosphere off Valentia Island
hat

Promised Hat

Mr. Healy-Rae said that he was aware that his constituents were relying on him to act in the national interest, but added “Huura ooo de shmaaak, until de uuurururururooooo shtoppit wouldye”.

Meanwhile TD for the North Tipperary Reservation, Michael Lowry, met Lenihan face to face to sek reassurances about the protection of the most vulnerable in society.

“I am satisfied that those who are weakest in our society will be looked after”, he confirmed, speaking earlier today from his extension. “The elderly, the poorest people and casino-fixated visionaries of Ireland can be assured that I will not let them down”.

Meanwhile, Mr Lenihan has denied that the government has been held to ransom by a couple of chancers. “I haven’t spoken to either Olli Rehn or Jean-Claude Trichet since last Tuesday”, he stared.

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