Budget Latest: New National Performance Indicator To Be Invented

The Acting Minister for Finance has just announced a new National Welfare Index. This will measure the national wellbeing in a way which smooths over such distorting factors as how we are doing and how much money the government has pissed down a bank drain.

As well as normal indexes of wealth and health, the new index will include such factors as:

  • Number of nice looking domestic animals
  • Cloud fluffiness
  • Native cunning
  • Our Ability To Laugh At Ourselves
  • Our ability to cover up our inadequacies by allowing others to laugh at us
  • Boxty

Nice-Looking Animals

The new Welfare Index will be used in future to help guide government policy in key areas such as casinos, obfuscation and applied borrowing.

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