Bruton Heave – Fresh Evidence Of Unsuitability

Bruton – actually 63

New evidence has emerged thus morning that failed Fine Gael leadership contender Richard Bruton has an unhappy track record in assuming natural authority.

According to papers discovered by The Emergency Richard Bruton was first usurped by his younger brother John shortly after his birth in 1953 – an early heave which saw Richard assume his younger brother’s pram, tiny clothing and destiny in the family while John, now the successful ‘older’ brother was elevated to the coveted position of ‘the biggest boy on Meath’ – a job he would hold for several years.

Richard Bruton meanwhile has returned to his suburban Dublin home to consider his position. He is currently locked in a bitter battle with a ladybird for control of his back garden.

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