Black Death Prefereable To Current Government: New Poll Results

An opinion poll in todays Irish Indefensiblytacky has put Fianna Fail in 9th place behind Fine Gael (30%), Labour (25%), The Greens (9%), Sinn Féin (5%), Others (5%), The Ghost Of Des O’Malley (4%), Judge The Dog (3%) and A Recurrence Of the Black Death (1%).

Commenting on the partiy’s historically low approval rating of 0.67%, the Tánaiste Mary Coughlan (not the talented one, the other one) said that while there was clearly room for improvement the party was not dismayed.

“We realise that any government taking unpopular and tough decisions will have trouble in the opinion polls right now,” she said, speaking through the official letterbox at Fianna Fail HQ this morning. “Things could be worse, and it’s only natural that the public would rather be slowly and painfully wiped out by a virulent disease than watch an Taoiseach and myself and the rest of the feckers stuck in this god-forsaken hole of a kip going through the macabre dance of staggering, slurring incompetence which is becoming our trademark. Shite, I meant to say something else. Ouch.”

The Tánaiste ended the interview by falling forwards and slowly banging her head repeatedly against the door for twelve minutes to emphasise her determination to run headlong at any and all impermeable objects in her way.

Meanwhile a spokesghoul for The Black Death has said he and his pandemic are delighted at the results of the poll and that their position ahead of the party leading the government thoroughly justifies their policy of killing everyone.

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