Birdseye Polar Bear Robbed In Own Fridge

BY Paul Mediawhore CRIMEDESK

The badly shaken Birdseye Polar Bear speaking to reporters after his ordeal
It has emerged that the popular Birdseye Polar Bear, which resides cutely in people’s freezers to extoll the virtues of baked in plastic fish and glazed prawns, has been the victim of a brutal mugging.

The badly shaken Mr Polar Bear told reporters of his ordeal. Apparently a softly spoken man with a Dublin accent forced his way into Mr Polar Bear’s *** freezer compartment on the pretext of canvassing support in an unspecified election campaign. The emotional polar bear remembers hearing the phrase “I..eh..never thought dat I’d end up in here…but ehh….eh….gimme yer munny…because I’m….ehhh…wurt it”. The assailant then proceeded to strip Mr Polar Bear of his money, his ability to earn money, and his desire to continue living before making his getaway in a top of the range 06 Mercedes Benz driven by a thick set man carrying a gun.

The suspect in the case is a man known to Gardai who has recently been reported as squatting in kitchen presses all over the country.

A Garda photo-fit of the chief suspect in this latest kitchen based crime

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