Austerity clampdown sees Donegal women lose right to bear breasts.

Donegal boobs are to be next to feel the cold hand of governmental mismanagement.

Breast Check CEO Tony O’Brien confirmed that ‘financial constraints, coupled with the Government recruitment freeze, has left his team with no option but to forgo the roll-out of Breast-Check services to Donegal for the forseeable future.’

The departmental solution? To develop a super-race of breast-free women, unencumbered by these last mammarian vestiges of a sexist day whose time has gone.

‘Well we’re delighted,’ intoned a spokesmuddler from the Health Scandal Emergency services, ‘Boobless women are pointing to the future, not to mention representing an obvious saving to the HSE, and we’re greatly encouraged by the lead that Donegal has taken in this development of hermaphroditic ladybump-free ladies. Traditionally breast has always been seen as best, and while we agree fully with that, we also think that breastless is even better.’ At which point he smiled with thin lips and angled his head oddly, much like a late 70s disco king doing some ‘robot moves’.

Should the controversial Donegal control prove successful, the scheme is expected to be rolled out nationwide in the coming minutes.

‘Well obviously I risk causing a storm in a D cup here but really, it is so terribly far away after all, isn’t it?’ said a senior civil servant with the Department of Health. ‘I mean technically it’s Lower Faroe. Who’ll notice?’

In the eight years to September ’08, a total of 2,717 cancers were detected from amongst 442, 612 mammograms provided to Irish women between the ages of 50 and 64. A red-faced government has admitted that without mammograms this number could have been successfully reduced to zero.

Next week: hysterectomies – are they hystery?

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One Response to “Austerity clampdown sees Donegal women lose right to bear breasts.”

  1. Póló Says:

    Will the Tánaistits have to give up hers to give good example and leadership?

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