And still more Martinisms as Duckie denies leadership bid ‘in bits’

The man who would be king like, Duckie ‘Micheál’ Martin, issued a stout refusal to comment over claims that his attempt to become captain of the FF Unsinkable lay shattered.

‘This stuff quacks me up’ he quavered querulously. ‘Mr Cowen is absolutely the man to lead us into the next election. I don’t know how he putsch up with these rumours. And just because I said it doesn’t mean that I meant it, FFS! (See youtz? I haz the lingo to take this to another level. Vote me. Duckster. xx)

‘Clearly, right now everyone in the country, apart from the 14% made up of former developers, local councillors, Mammy O’Rourke’s Travelling Pandemonium Family Chaos Show and a few senior ‘civil’ ‘servants’ clearly need to see Mr Cowen taking the FF Unsinkable to the next level.’

When challenged that the next level was the sea floor, Duckie said that his water-tight crack was perfectly equipped for him to then take over if a rescue package from the IMFF could be agreed, which might or might not involve AJ Chopra blowing air up his arse through an  IMFF-approved straw for buoyancy purposes. ‘I can only surmise,’ said Duckie in his silky southern warble, ‘that that’s what Chops meant when he stressed the need to blow us up as part of the restructure of the country.’

The Minister for Doing Nothing at Home then began an impromptu ‘Waddle I do to make you love me? Waddle I do to make you care?’ At this point your reporter, who was also simultaneously and at the same time appearing on Prim Time, Tonight with Vincent Brown, the Last Coop with Matt Word, The Right Hoop with George Last, A Rant at Bedtime with Mark Coleman, The Weak in Politics with some #FF stooge, The Front Line, The Clothes Line and Fade St, quickly made his excuses and left.

Fionnan Sheahan is eleven

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