An Banríon Ireann Agus Phrionsa Pilib A Tabhair Cuairt Ar Pháirc an Chrócaigh
Croke Park is to welcome Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip (formerly of Macedonia, now Erster EZB Staat)
…additional reporting by Eamon Trolleybus – of our Gaelic Studies Staff
In an unprecedented development, several SKY News and BBC reporters managed to pronounce “GAA” yesterday when reporting on the forthcoming historic visit to Croke Park by the Queen of England and her husband Prince Philip. Two regional news anchors in Cumbria were hospitalised with muscle strain attempting to say “GAH”.
In a special pre-visit briefing by his equerry, Prince Philip was informed of the traditional post Croke Park games activities ranging from eating sangwiches from the open boot of an Opel Astra parked across someone’s driveway, to the old Dubs’ favourite: singing ‘Molly Malone’ at three in the morning while waving your cock through the letterbox of a house on Clonliffe Road. A puzzled Philip is quoted as saying “Why ever would a chap want to put his feller in some rabid Mick’s letter hole thingumajig” adding hopefully “…..unless….there isn’t some gel with a jam jar full of wasps on the other side is there?”
LONDON RETAIL NEWS
Four hundred bottles of Bollinger and Tattinger were returned by Clarence House yesterday afternoon to Harrods in Knightsbridge an hour after the announcement of the impending royal visit was made. The hastily ordered bubbly had been delivered express to the Prince’s official residence where Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles were dancing a conga singing “Long Live King Charles the Third!”. They got through eight bottles before a footman managed to explain that Her Majesty was visiting Croke Park, not that she had croaked in the park.
DUBLIN RETAIL NEWS
Despite extensive lobbying, the royal itinerary will not include Guiney’s and the €2 Shop on Talbot Street or a good long browse in Carroll’s Souvenirs on O’Connell Bridge.