Acting Taoiseach “Concerned By Negative View”

Promotional material for the acting Taoiseach’s stateside “love bombing” campaign of wealthy Americans”

Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen has spoken of the need to portray confidence in Ireland’s ability to take the necessary steps to emerge from recession (eh…didn’t he say we were out of it already?).

Speaking from the comfort of a maximum security 5 star junket in New York, where he is meeting with US firms and financiers to encourage investment in Ireland, Mr Cowen said investors “need to know that we believe in ourselves in a way they believe what we are doing is the right thing – because if you believe, with all your might….and eh…a little bit of pixie dust….you shall go to the ball. Going forward”.

Mr Cowen said the some of the negative commentary in the media about the country’s economic path “concerns” him. “There are people I’m speaking to who have already invested in Ireland and they have confidence in the overall macro-economic decisions we are taking”. Pressed by reporters as to the identity of these confident investors Mr Cowen grew agitated before remembering that he was abroad and had to be nice.

The acting Taoiseach then contrasted this with the perception of Ireland abroad. “There is confidence abroad about the direction we are taking but for some bizarre reason people at home seem to lack confidence in our decisions and their worth going forward. Eh…going…….going forward. New….paradigm. Eh” he said.

“We know they cause hardships and difficulties but it is absolutely imperative that we reflect that confidence at home in our own domestic arena and show that we are determined to do whatever we can do within our control to get us through this difficult period. Fianna Fail I mean of course. Not any of the other bastards. They’re a source of funds. Nothing else. Nothing. Do you hear?”

Mr Cowen said he was not worried about the Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI) report published today that predicted the Government’s budget deficit in 2010 to run to almost 20 per cent – the largest in the 27-member EU. “They’re only a shower of whiny feckers, don’t be after worrying about any of the guff out of them going forward. Move along, Nothing to see” he said before necking some chablis

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