Acting Taoiseach Assumes New Duties As Minister For Foreign Health

Frontline medical staff at Dublin’s Mater Hospital react to news of Mary Harney’s resignation as Health Minister earlier this evening

It’s the day we thought would never come – Mary Harney, former PD leader, domineering cash sponge and holder of the title Mighty Jabba the Health since 2004 has resigned her position at cabinet citing her retirement from electoral politics after the next election as reason.

This follows the resignation yesterday of Corkonian lightweight leadership challenger Mehole Martin from the position of Minister for Foriegn Affairs.

Acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen has assumed both newly vacant portfolios under the new conflated title Acting Taoiseach and Minister for Foreign Health which should reassure our friends in the IMF and ECB.

Ms Harney will be able to use her retirement to spend more of her time with our money.

Scientists looking for a cure for the HSE have been heartened by the self eradication of the Harney virus which has been linked to the wholesale destruction of the health service.

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