Acting Chancellor Of The Exchequer George Osborne Ready To Help Closest Neighbour
The Acting Chancellor of The Exchequer, George Osborne has said Britain is ready to help its closest neighbour Ireland.
"Ireland is the only country we share a border with," the Acting Chancellor explained, "It is in Britain’s interests to help ensure the Irish banking system is sound"
Mr. Osborne has been a fan of "The Irish miracle" since at least 2006 when he wrote in The Sunday Times urging Britain to follow the Irish lead using innovative methods to create a real and lasting boom. These methods included low corporate tax bribes to foreign multi-nationals, lending free money to idiots, carefully managing the price of property, nodding, winking and brown envelopes.
Mr. Osborne is the heir to the Osborne baronetcy of Ballentaylor, in County Tipperary, and Ballylemon, in County Waterford. He regularly attends the Ballentaylor Forelock Tugging Festival to receive the tugs of the locals each spring.
The Acting Chancellor has described his willingness to lend billions of British taxpayers’ money to the beleaguered colony of Ireland as "neighbourly". Osborne has hit back at eurosceptic Tory critics of British support for an Irish bailout insisting that it Britain would get the money back. However he did concede that it was unlikely that 5,000,000 cups of sugar lent to Sligo last Tuesday would ever be seen again and further admitted that the lawnmower he lent to Brian Lenihan in September was liable to be in an unusable state even it were ever returned.