“10 4 10” Bono Writes Exclusively, For The Emergency

Bono

IF we have overindulged in anything these past several days, it is neither holiday ham nor American football; it is Top 10 lists. We have been stuffed full of them and not one was penned by me the most incisive, Christian, pure, perfect and yes, humble individual on the face of the globe. Hunh! Even in these self-restrained pages, it has been impossible to avoid the end-of-the-decade accountings of the 10 best such-and-suches and the 10 worst fill-in-the-blanks. Hunh! Yeah! Hello Cleveland!!

And so, in the spirit of rock star excess, which I alone invented and espouse, I offer yet another.

The main difference, if it matters, is that this list looks forward, not backward. Hunh! Mercy! So here, then, are 10 ideas that might make the next 10 years more interesting, healthy or civil. Some are trivial, some fundamental, all are mine and should be written by you, my disciples, in a big leather bound tome. Alright! Yeah! Hunh! Hello New Jersey! They have little in common with one another except that I am seized by each, and moved by its potential to change our world, and the sound of my voice reading them into this dictaphone. Hunh! Yeah! Everybody!

Intellectual Property Developers
Caution! The only thing protecting the movie and TV industries from the fate that has befallen music and indeed the newspaper business is the relative absence of a liddle ban’ from the northside of a liddle town, called Dublin, hunh! Alright!! Hello Wembley!. The immutable laws of IMAX tell us we’re just a few years away from being able to watch my liddle combo, OooToo, in cinemas 24/7. Many will expect to get it free, but my tame cashpig McStout will have them killed and eaten. Hunh! Yeah!!! Hello Lawsuit!! (note to self: I love you Bobo)

Return of the Automobile as a Sexual Object
Have you tried listening to me sing, or even better, speak for hours on your car stereo recently? Hunh!! Sexy! Hunh! Hunh!! Yeah

Festival of Bobo
Here’s something that could never have happened in the Naughts but will maybe be possible in the Tweens or Teens — if there’s a breakthrough in the Mideast peace process. The idea is an arts festival that celebrates the origin of the four Abrahamic religions: Boboism, and to a far far lesser extent, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Every year it could be held in a different location; Jerusalem would obviously be the best place to start. Hello Bloodshed and jihaad! Hunh!!! Alright!!!

An Equal Right to Pollute (and the Polluter-Pays Principle)
Not too sure exactly what I mean here. Charles Manson stole this song from The Beadles…hunh! We’re stealing it back. Hello Montana! You rock! Hunh!!

A Person (Dr. William Li) and a Word (Angiogenesis)
Angiogenesis is the process by which new blood vessels grow. This is good — except when it’s very bad, as in the case of cancerous tumors or my great friends George W Bush or Tony Blair In fact, cunts like me are their supply lines. Dr. William Li of the Angiogenesis Foundation has called research in this realm the “first medical revolution of the 21st century,” and he should know. (I shouldn’t, given my lack of a medical pedigree, but I learned about it from a guy in my backing group, The Bald, who supports Dr. Li’s foundation.) Hunh!!! Yeah! Alright!! Hello Washington!!

(factoid: “Bobo” is welsh, for “sphincter”)

Buy My Album
I am wonderful (factoid 2: I really am)

Matter Doesn’t Matter
Bobo, it appears, is a Trekkie. (Bobo help us.)

Dr. Anton Zeilinger, an Austrian physicist, is becoming a rock star of science for his work in quantum teleportation, which I know very little about but which I think I may have achieved backstage one night in Berlin in the early 1990s. Could it be that Bobo is a nerd? Pray to me and I will reveal all. Buy tickets to my show. Hunh!! Hello ka-ching!!!!

People Power and the Upside-Down Pyramid
Its just like my new single says: “ooh baby baby yeah! Struggle!! Hunh!! Yeah!!!” Alright pharoah!!! Hello Cairo! Follow me on Twidder www.Twidder.bobo/@arsehole hunh! Yeah!! Social media! Hello anyone!!!

Viva la (Nonviolent) Revolución
“As someone who stands here as a direct consequence of Dr. King’s life work,” President Obama said in his Nobel acceptance speech, “I am living testimony to the moral force of nonviolence.”

So, he might have added, are the Germans and Eastern Europeans who came out a couple of months ago to celebrate the anniversary of the fall of the Wall. And so are the countless innocent Iraqis who my Christian friends George and Tony murdered. Except they’re not. Nonviolence would have kept them alive. Hunh!!! Hello oil!! Support my charities! Ignore that man behind the curtain!! hunh!!! Elephant? I see no elephant!!! Yeah!!! Hello victims!! Hunh!

A Big Event In Africa I Can Appear At
It’s getting easier to describe to Americans the impact of the World Cup — especially the impact it will have in Africa, where the tournament is to be held this summer so I can show up and tell you all what beauty, purity, majesty and truth are. Buy my album. Hello Tax Haven!! Hunh!!!!!

Bobo, the lead singer of the band OooToo and a founder of the advocacy group LOVEBOBO and (Product)ARSe, is a contributing columnist for The Emergency

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