‘Government’ Reshuffle’ Expected In The Next Few Weeks

”Its OK Trevor, I’ll look after you” Senator Dan ‘Tweetybird’ Boyle reassures the fitfully amnesiac former minister for fruit and veg Trevor Sargent that the worst has come and gone

A ‘Government reshuffle’ is expected in the next few weeks along with major changes in the amount of larceny in key Government departments.

Speculation about an impending election has been sparked by the recent lurches from one crisis to another which have lately loomed over the alleged government of acting Taoiseach Brian Cowen.

Still clinging onto power like a wino to a brown paper bag of Buckfast, the acting Taoiseach yesterday refused to set a time limit for replacing Willie O’Dea as minister for defence.

“There is no requirement for me to put a time limit on the nomination,” Mr Cowen told Labour Party leader, Eamon Gilmore in the Dáil, adding that he will continue to act defensively, with a tone of arrogance, all the while looking like a besieged addled oaf for the present.

Fianna Fáil TDs last night interpreted Mr Cowen’s remarks as indicating he will undertake a full Cabinet reshuffle instead of simply filling Mr O’Dea’s former post. Mr Cowen played this down, insisting that the only things on his agenda at present were the promotion of our robust economic rescue, and ensuring that this will be the year that he will at least get a bronze medal in the fifth Annual Clara Flesh Coloured Shrek Lookalike Competition to be held in his home town next week “…going forward”

There was speculation that Minister for Arse All and Antics Martin Cullen may leave the Cabinet because of the crushing stupidity that has bedevilled him in recent years.

A spokesflunkette for Mr Cullen said: “He has a stupidity problem but is getting on with his job and fulfilling his duties as Minister for Fuck All.”

Cabinet sources expect Mr Cowen will reorganise the economic departments as part of the reshuffle to increase the major problems facing the country.

Another key element of the restructuring is expected to be the creation of a full department responsible for public-service reform. This will have a staff of 379 senior civil servants. Tendering for the new department’s logo will be announced after the reshuffle and is expected to cost in the region of €750,000 It has not yet been leaked which Fianna Fail member’s niece will be successful in being awarded the tender

A change in current departmental responsibilities formed part of the discussions in the negotiations between the Coalition parties on a new programme for government last October, with the Greens believing that Fianna Fail won’t shaft them, while Fianna Fail is already preparing the stirrups and putting on it’s ‘Fisting The Junior Coalition Partner To Death On Video’ gloves.

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