A behind the scenes look at Ben Dunne and what Ben Dunne does and what Benn Dunne says. Ben Dunne.

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Ben Dunne [ 2:43 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

It’s 1953 in a maternity ward in North Tipperary and Mrs. Lowry is giving birth to little Michael. Little does she suspect she is about to receive a visitor from the future…

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Tribunalator [ 2:50 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The TD for Tipperary North and Offaly South, Mr. Michael Lowry stoutly defended himself in the Dail yesterday against the accusations levelled at him by the report of the Moriarty Tribunal.

From the start of his seven-hour-long speech, Mr. Lowry came out fighting:

“As sure as my name is Rumplestiltskin, I have done no wrong”, he explained. “The Moriarty Tribunal Report is all lies. I have done no wrong. The Phoenix Park is carpeted in golden cuckoo spit and I will be shown to have been honest from the day my mother found me under a gooseberry bush to the day when the people of my planet eventually come to bring me to the Home World”.

Lowry To Moriarity: "You're going down!"

Lowry denied the central allegation of Moriarty in no uncertain terms:

“I did not engage in any wrongdoing in relation to the awarding of the second mobile phone licence. Anyone who knows me and who is called ‘Lowry’ will tell you that. If they know what’s good for them”.

He also denied receiving any payments from Denis O’Brien:

“I received no payments or benefits from Mr O’Brien in relation to the second mobile phone licence. Those who cynically and spuriously equate the handing over of cash as a ‘payment’ will rot in a dreadful hell, which Ben Dunne is currently building for me in the form of a replica of the original Whitehouse just outside Nenagh”.

Three children were born in the chamber and a species of woodlouse became extinct over the duration of Mr. Lowry’s speech.

Mr. Lowry also vowed he would now “take a short time to myself to rest my mind, heal my body and renew my spirit”. Accordingly Mr. Lowry, also a self-professed timelord, is scheduled to regenerate and turn into a different and even less popular actor next Tuesday.

Following successfully contesting state elections, the German Greens are having a party. All is Teutonic mirth until their Irish colleague, the rather less victorious John Gormley, calls and wrecks their buzz…

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The German Greens Celebrate [ 2:26 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“I own the future…”

Prompted by a question to the Taoiseach from Sinn Féin Leader, Gerry Adams, Enda Kenny is joined by Michael, Noonan, Micheál Martin, Eamon Gilmore, Joe Higgins, Luke Ming Flanagan and eventually by everybody as the Dáil descends into song.

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What I Want [ 3:03 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Vincent Browne as he has looked since last Friday

Veteran broadcaster Vincent Browne has vowed to “do things….dark…dark things” to the member of TV3 staff who booked Jedward as guests on his “relaxed” late night show on Friday last.

The traumatised journalist has been under the specialist care of Peter Mark since the show.

DEATHS:
The John Redmond Memorial Phone Box where the Irish Parliamentary Party and Progressive Democrats held their historic final post election meetings, venue for today’s Fairtrade Eco-sensitive, dolphin-friendly wake for “The Green Party”. Family only. No lentils. Charitable donations to the Home For Bewildered Ex Dublin Mid-West TDs

Gay Byrne presents “The Meaning Of Lies” with very special guest, communications and media mogul Wiggy O’Brien.
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The Meaning Of Lies [ 2:43 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

In which Enda Kenny, Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy get down to some serious negotiation. Someone gets hurt.
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Extreme Negotiation [ 2:23 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download