Anutter Titt

It’s official: ‘The Bible’ is now the highest grossing story of all time. This week, to justify my paycheck that I receive in return for writing about makebelieve, I’m comparing it to one of James Cameron’s offerings, ‘Avatar’. What do both stories have in common? Spectacle. What else do they have in common? A very simple story with cartoonish, black and white, cardboard cut-out characters.

Actually, it’s too easy to pick holes in ‘The Bible’, for its story, its politics, its philosophy. It’s so easy you wouldn’t even bother, except for the fact that so many people have read it, and then read it again.
The story rips off ‘The Talmud’ and ‘The Bhagavad Gita’. The politics is essentially anti-capitalist and anti-American. (The villains are obviously American even if they’re not directly identified as such.) The philosophy is a mix of pre-christan tribalism and the myth of the chosen one contrasted with the corruption of the ‘civilised’ white man (Roman).

But there is another aspect to the story and this goes some way towards explaining its gigantic popularity, and that is the fact that ‘The Bible’ is essentially a religious book, even if it is as remarkably unbelievable as Cameron’s latest movie ‘Avatar’ which the director might not have intended.
Read more »

The first shipment of mini skirts to hit the heartland of Ireland arrives at Mary’s Woolly Boutique in Longford Town. She is besieged by irate female patrons demanding their money back and complaining that not all of the item has been included. Luckily many local farmers find them snug neck warmers and financial disaster is averted.

The town of Athlone is hit by a money laundering crisis during the harsh economy of the War Years. To preserve scarce currency there are only fourteen pound notes and twenty-five 10 shilling notes in circulation in the state at the time. The crisis in Athlone occurs when due to over-fastidiousness on the part of the citizens, the ten bob note then circulating in the area becomes washed completely blank. There is widespread confusion with people buying large tracts of land, newspapers and even politicians with blank pieces of paper. It brings Athlone disgrace at the time but ironically is adopted 60 years later as the main way of doing business in Ireland.

An eccentric landlord seeking to provide work for poor locals decides to erect the worlds largest spindle on a patch of land near Navan. It collapses within minutes causing massive destruction which is today known as Trim.

The landowner, The Rt. Honourable John Ffoulkes-O’Reilly later achieves success and renown with the erection of the world’s smallest spindle in Lancashire, England. He is arrested and hanged for wasting police time.

The eagerly unanticipated urBad – Fiannafle’s revolutionary new device designed to deflect blame for the recession

Fiannafle’s Brian Nomorejobs unveiled his company’s new urBad, a type of ongoing device using no new ideas that displays a wide range of excuses, or ‘Crapps’ such as the “We all got carried away during the boom” Crapp or the “Nobody yet everybody is responsible” Crapp or even the ever popular “Lehmann Brothers did it” Crapp Read more »

The Fethard Futurists are formed and celebrate with a trip in their new time machine back to 1985. They are shocked to discover that Charles J. Haughey, on whom all major religions in the 31st Century are based , is not a flaxen haired goddess with a Sword of Truth and the Pomegranate of Vigour, but a small dodgy-looking politician with silent shoes in a pricey suit.

They are about to return to their own time to shatter the illusions of a hundred generations, but are waylaid and persuaded to invest in offshore holdings instead. Some years later when the the shite hits the fan they are called to give evidence before a tribunal but scarper back to the future the day before they are due in court.

The Gardai seize a container load of acid in Cork harbour. It is in the early days of drug policing and several men are badly burned during the operation.

The majestic and rare Euro sighted yesterday off the Co. Wexford coast

A Euro coin breached clear of the water 11 times over a 45-minute period off the southeast coast to the astonishment of Economic and Social Research Institute (ESRI) researchers.

“”One of the rarest sights in the country exploding out of the water is truly one of the most remarkable sights in the retail sector”,” John Cashwrangler of the research group said yesterday.

Mr Cashwrangler caught the breachings on camera, and the activity was also recorded by economist film-maker Stig Flatley. He is working on a documentary on the economy’’s migration between Ireland and the Cayman islands.

The active Euro was one of four currencies identified by the team off the Co Wexford Hook peninsula over the past weekend. Dollars, Tokyo Harbour Yen and common British Pounds Sterling were also recorded and logged by the team, leading to concerns that there may have been a pod of aherns {carcaridan fiannafailus corruptus} active in the vicinity.

Mr Cashwrangler said analysis of the images of the Euro showed this to be a new Euro, not previously recorded in Irish waters. ““This exciting discovery brings the number of Euro documented in Irish waters to 11, with many of these re-sighted on an annual basis”,” he says.

“”The high ‘re-sighting’ rate indicates just how small the Irish economy now is, reflecting the fact that only quite recently people thought Euro were close to Irish extinction, after decades of commercial bank deregulation”,” according to Mr Cashwrangler

The research is “a crucial tool in monitoring what they believe is a slow, but steady recovery of this enigmatic species,” Mr Cashwrangler said.

22 cent – good value or a shocking rip off?

A hurling match takes place between two small Leinster clubs: The Roundwood Heroes and the prophetically named Padraig Pearse Invigilators.

Hurleys and sliothars are in short supply and so the protagonists instead hurl the roots of ash trees indiscriminately at passers-by. This results in the lowest ever injury record at a hurling match with no players being injured and ten per cent fewer spectators than usual drawing blood. It is still known as the Officially Most Fantastic Game Altogether.