Ireland “Ireland” – Noonan
March 13th, 2012
Minister for Honours Maths Michael Noonan reading the 2008 Leaving Cert Maths (Ordinary) paper set by his predecessor Mr Cromwell
Parents of Junior Certificate geography students today thanked Michael Noonan for clearing up any lingering confusion that Ireland may be the much larger mediterranean country Spain. Mr Noonan’s statement comes hot on the heels of recent assertions made by the Tainiste and Minister for Geography (Common Level) Eamon Gilmore to the effect that Ireland is neither Portugal nor Greece.
Asked why the Minister for Honours Maths was providing study notes for a class other than his own Mister Noonan explained that the Tainiste was on an in service training day along with some other staff members.
There will be no P.E. for the next two weeks as Mister Vaginar the Minister for P.E. and The Bus has a pulled junket which has to be treated in England. A full list of all classes to be affected by the St Patrick’s Day holiday will be sent home in satchels this week.
Occupy Dáil Éireann Camp Untouched
March 8th, 2012
One of the aristocrusties at the Occupy Dáil Éireann camp with two of his curs
Everyone completely failed last night to dismantle the Occupy Dáil Éireann camp which has been in situ at Leinster House since November 2010.
This morning a local resident told reporters that he had hoped the aristocrusties manning the camp were moving on last March but it turned out they were just putting new dogs on the end of their twine.
In other news, knee jerk Fine Gael responses to comment threads regarding Occupy Dame Street are up 134%. Continuity Fianna Fail Minister Leo Vaginar has claimed this evening that this development represents a massive surge in computer literacy at at six official care homes for members of Young Fine Gael.
Rat Leaves Submerged Ship
March 1st, 2012
A pensive Micheál Martin watches as his former deputy walks away from government buildings following his sacking resignation
MaFFianna Fáil’s Éamon Ó Cuív has resigned as deputy leader and party spokesman on telegraphy, turf and comely maidens in a row over the European fiscal compact treaty.
In a statement released this evening, Micheál Martin the last ever leader of Fianna Fail said his former deputy’s refusal to support the parliamentary party’s position on the fiscal compact meant it was “time to give that young go getter Willie O’Dea his head”.
In an utterly shocking development Mr Martin said MaFFianna Fáil would be supporting the referendum last night.
Bruton Signs Sherlock’s SOPA Into Law
February 29th, 2012
Miniature for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Richard ****** has signed the controversial SOPA instrument pushed by Sean ******* into law.
The instrument ****** **** and *********. It will ****** *** ******* ********, but also *****.
Several *********** were told ****** ****** to be ******. Despite much protest by ********, anyone who voiced their objections to their **’* have effectively been told to fuck right off.
O’Snodiachaghaghachachaidh Latest
February 28th, 2012
From our man on the ground under a camouflaged tarp JOE TAYLOR – DATELINE DUBLIN: O’Snodaigh says he is responsible for the cartridges but he knows nothing about the Canon. STOP PRESS STOP PRESS STOP PRESS
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