Basset Calls For Ireland To Leave EU

July 3rd, 2017



A former confection, dog breed and Irish Ambassador to Canada has called on Ireland to consider leaving the EU. Ray Basset has pointed out that the bulk of Ireland’s trade is with Queen Elizabeth the First. Significant amounts of oak have this year gone into the building of the Queen’s navy.

Basset has urged the Irish government to take advantage of Brexit by following Britain out of the EU. Ireland would then find itself in a position to negotiate the best possible deal for itself, just as Britain is expected to do in the next couple of days.

“Let’s face it”, panted Basset when interviewed during walkies earlier this evening, “It would be much better for Ireland and Britain to be part of a shared economy, a sort of Common Wealth, if you will. God Save the Queen. Squirrel. Arf!”

Unity Of Shane Ross Threatened By Split Over Judge

June 19th, 2017

The Unity of Shane Ross, the current Minister for Stepaside, has been threatened by a row amongst him over the appointment of former Attorney General Máire Whelan to the Court of Appeal.

Mr. Ross wholeheartedly approved the appointment a few days ago as a member of the cabinet, but is appalled by his actions and is now demanding a review.

“I am a thundering disgrace to have stood idly by and let this happen,” he squeaked from a soap box in Stepaside earlier today. “I will now be demanding a review of this decision. I must be held to account. Would you like a tour of my Garda Station? I like sport.”





If he cannot resolve his differences with himself it is not thought that Mr. Ross will resign from cabinet. Instead he will split, with Shane holding his cabinet seat and doing whatever he needs to to hang on to it, while Ross will rail against him every step of the way and do light foaming duties in his constituency office.

NTA Announces Athlone Initiative To Combat Dublin Bus Congestion

May 29th, 2017

The National Transport Authority (NTA) has announced plans for new orbital bus corridors. Presently huge delays are caused by passengers being forced to take buses which travel in a straight line between locations on opposite sides of the city. Under the new scheme, however, the busy Dublin city centre will be bypassed by routing buses through Athlone, Carrick-on-Shannon and Tampa Bay.

Other changes expected to happen about ten years after the NTA plans to introduce them include a cashless fare system where passengers will have either fares deducted at source from their earnings or be able to take advantage of a CAB-type set up where their assets or organs are conveniently seized in lieu.

New Look Dublin Bus Fleet

New Look Dublin Bus Fleet

Existing bus lanes will be widened to accommodate new wider, low emission vehicles. These will essentially be constructed along the lines of Phoenician galley ships, with propulsion depending on passengers pushing the vehicle along with large “oars” or “sticks”.

The new fleet will have a swanky new livery. There will be a public competition for the design which will be won by the nephew of the Minister for Transport.

Daoine Na h’Eireann. Come With Me If You Want To Live

May 23rd, 2016


This sketch was first broadcast on Newstalk 106 in 2009. For those of you who say “nobody warned us that the Irish electorate has the attention span of a lobotomised prawn”. A warning from the past about a warning from the past that is a warning from the past.  We don’t want to go all Twilight Zone on you.  Just stop voting for criminal bastards, will you?

Featuring Karen Ardiff, Morgan C.Jones, Dermot Carmody and Eoin Byrne



Fianna Fail In Negative Poster Shock!

January 13th, 2016


There has been outrage in political circles at the new so called “negative” campaign posters released today by well known crime syndicate MaFFianna Fail which feature popular primary school teacher Edna Kenny.

Mr Kenny, a philanthropist who has worked tirelessly for one of the most disadvantaged men in Malta was unavailable for comment but his spokesbacterium said that this was because somebody had made the error of saying “the Vincent Browne word” within the Taoiseach’s earshot causing  him to run away and hide “again” possibly in “that hut himself and the others built in the park across opposite like”.

In other news Tanaiste Joan Burton leader of the Smoked Salmon Canapé & Rising Party praised carers for their commitment despite the removal of some 75% of their supports since the coalition came to power in 2011. Ms Burton then managed to not fall into a puddle during a photo opportunity but was seen directing her car towards disadvantaged housing estates in the west of the capital in the fond hope of causing a nice small riot in time for the six o’clock news.