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Thoughts On The “Gallagher Gale”

October 23rd, 2011

 

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Emergency Presidential Poster Special

September 30th, 2011

MARY DAVIS (IND/OBLIGATORY CANDIDATE CALLED “MARY”)

DAVID NORRIS (IND)

ANTIGAY MITCHELL (CONTINUITY FIANNA FÁIL)

MARTIN McGUINNESS (SINN FEIN/NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THE I.R.A)

DANA ROSEMARY SCALLON (I.N.R.I)

MICHAEL D. HIGGINS (Continuity Green Party)

SEAN GALLAGHER (IND)

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Martin Upbeat On Fianna Fáil ‘Disarray’

August 24th, 2011

The leader of Fianna Fáil has reacted positively to reports that his party is “in disarray” following the announcement that Brian Crowley will not seek a Presidential nomination.

Crowley, who is Emperor Of Munster, vowed yesterday to pull out of the race for the Áras. He is the ninetieth candidate not in the race to pull out this week. Mr. Crowley was clearly upset that leader Micheál Martin had gone on a ‘solo run’ in asking popular broadcaster, biker and safety supremo Gay Byrne to run instead of someone from Fianna Fáil.

However Mr. Martin fought back today, claiming that for Fianna Fáil to be in disarray was a major achievement. “At this stage in the rebuilding of the party, many thought we would be in “turmoil”, ‘meltdown’ or ‘prison’”, enthused Corkonian Martin at a fundraising pickpocket campaign in the English Market this morning. “By merely being in disarray my leadership and the party are confounding the detractors. By November, I confidently predict that we will be ‘at sixes and sevens’, and if things go well we should be ‘all over the shop’ by June”.

Meanwhile Eamon “MiniDev” Ó Cuiv has refused to rule out seeking a Fianna Fáil nomination for the Presidency. Supporters say he is interested in running and has kept his granddaddy’s presidential pants in running order “just in case”.

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Benedict Touches Down To Wardrobe Gaffe

August 18th, 2011

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has landed in Madrid to a storm of protest against his visit – alas tempers were not helped by a diplomatic gaffe caused by Vatican dressers not reading the memo sent from Spain’s Queen Sofia detailing her outfit so as to avoid any clash with the frock worn by the Vicar of Christ.

Pope Benedict has blamed a lack of morals, the breakdown of the traditional family and homosexuality for the error.

LITTLE KNOWN ‘POPE FACT’ – Pope Benedict XVI got his name because he was the sixteenth pontiff to be chosen at conclave by seating him on a muffin topped with a slice of bacon and covering him in Hollandaise sauce!SOURCE: Catholic News Agency

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STOP PRESS: Mitchell Now “Only Gay In The Race”

August 13th, 2011

It has been confirmed in the last hour that Gay Byrne will not be contesting the presidential election later this year.

He has decided to spend more time with his programmes. Family.

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